


Fated to Fall

by ouzell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bisexual James Potter, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreamsharing, Easter, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV James Potter, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Rejection, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Young James Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2019-10-26 15:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17748899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouzell/pseuds/ouzell
Summary: Almost every witch and wizard gains the mark of their soulmate at sixteen— whether they hide it, or search intently for their other half— and James Potter is no different. He'd find the shape of his soulmate's patronus somewhere on his body, and so would they.Only, he thought it'd be a doe...What happens when you're destined to be with someone you hardly know?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just... love Seekerchaser.. (james and regulus)

   The first dream came on the warm March eve of James’ sixteenth birthday.

    The first feeling he felt was important- not his own importance, but the situation. Something tremendous in magnitude was about to take place, and he was to be part of it. In fact, he somehow felt he played a key role in bringing this particular event to fruition. Yes, he knew what it was. Fate. Fate was calling his name.

   Eagerly, James opened his eyes.

   He was in the Forbidden Forest.

   While his surroundings were familiar, they also contrasted very harshly with reality; above him, the moon waned, full and bright, as if completely unaware that the true full moon had already passed more than a week ago, below him hopped about a variety of animals, all ghost-like in their slight transparency and wispy-ness, and around him, the thick underbrush of the forest swirled and flowed wondrously, not unlike many of the paintings cluttering the corridors of Hogwarts. The smooth breeze carried a sense of calm with it, rustling the leaves around him with soft fingers. Just up ahead lay a cobblestone path, crumbling and mossy with age. None of the animals seemed inclined to stray there, but it called to him without a voice. _Come,_ it said. _Your destiny awaits._

   Without hesitation, he started toward the mysterious path- it was his dream, why shouldn’t he do as he pleased? Each step clipped against the cobblestone as he ventured forth, and, upon looking down, James realized he was in his animagus' form. It didn’t surprise him in the least, for this was a common theme in his dreams lately. He just adapted and continued down the path, which had now begun leading further and further into darkness.

   Slowly but surely, James made his way to the end of the cobblestone pathway. The trees had only grown in density as he went, and were now so dense that he could hardly see in front of him. The trail petered to a stop, but before him lay a small opening in the bracken- large enough for a small dog, perhaps, but too small for a stag. The light that shone through it seemed to glow with promise. It struck him with dream-like certainty that something was waiting for him within. He didn’t know how he knew, he just did; something was waiting for him on the other side, and it was imperative he reach it as soon as possible.

   Why, what an easily solved problem! It made him snort in a stag-like chuckle. With slow grace, he brought his head close to the ground and extended a front leg. In two simple, sharp movements, his great crown of antlers has torn the brush to pieces and made an opening big enough for him to squeeze through. The princely stag lowered its head once more, this time to cross the barrier and pass into the entryway he had made for himself.

   A mixture of exhilaration and apprehension met him as he did so, for as soon as he entered the light, James knew that he had reached the heart of the forest. It murmured in the soil beneath his hooves and whispered on the wind, as if telling him secrets waiting to be heard for eons. Curiouser still, what lay beyond the thicket of underbrush was a large tree, standing tall and alone in the middle of a vast clearing, with a glimmering pool of water at its roots. Moss and lichen hung from every limb like Christmas tinsel and fireflies floated through the air, blinking loftily and illuminating the scene with soft golden light. Somehow, it felt as if all magic flowed from this very place- not the Forbidden Forest, but where he was in the dream, for it gave every sense that it wasn’t tied to any one location or moment in time.

   He stepped up to the edge of the shining pool, and peered down at it with wonder. It sparkled like ever so many stars, collected from the heavens and left to spill their magic into the water. James was just about to satisfy his curiosity and taste this dream, when something stopped him. He was being approached.

   Across the pool, a strikingly elegant, fluffy cat was looking at him with the most peculiar expression. This cat wasn’t like any of the other animals running about earlier, this one was solid- and oh, so beautiful. It was apparent that this was the only other ‘person’ present in this strange dimension.

    Intrigued, James opened his mouth to say something, but remembered in the next moment that stags couldn’t speak. Instead, he tilted his head to the side curiously.

   His feline friend seemed amused by this, flicking its tail lazily and smiling in that cat-like way.

   He cocked his head to the other side, as if asking the same question. _Who are you?_

   The stranger understood the question, but gave no indication that it was to be answered. Without any warning, the cat turned the other way and ran toward the edge of the clearing. Perhaps it would have turned back to make sure James was following, but there was no need. The stag was already bounding after the cat, magical pool, tree and clearing all but forgotten. Just as the cat broke through the underbrush to dash away, James reached the spot it’d just been in. He felt a flicker of frustration- he was never the one left behind- but it soon subsided as he continued the hunt. The exhilaration of winding through the trees as fast as his legs could carry him never got old, but this time he could feel the suspense practically coursing through his veins. With every rustle and glimpse of fur ahead of him, he was only propelled further by his curiosity. He had the feeling that if he could just catch up- just _find_ it- then he’d find something valuable beyond measure.

   Finally, he saw the end. Up ahead James could see the edge of the forest, and the grassy field beyond. Relief, closely followed by triumph, made his pounding heart soar. His quarry slowed- there was nowhere to run. The red stag pressed on more urgently and prepared himself for a leap, eager to reach the conclusion of this great chase.

   He’d been just seconds away from the cat- close enough to pick up its scent, in fact- but it was as if he’d blinked and it’d disappeared. Not only that, but the exit seemed to have disappeared along with it. Dark, heavy trees loomed from all sides and blocked out the moon, dreadfully more sinister than he’d ever seen them in the real Forbidden Forest. Everything seemed very still, and very eerie.

   Suddenly, he found himself lost, and a little confused.

    Frantically, he searched for a way out, even for the cat- but it was gone.

    And for the first time, James was alone.

   

* * *

 

 

   He awoke with a groan; his bed clothes were soaked through with sweat, and he could feel his hair sticking to his forehead. He tried to throw his blankets aside, but they were tangled around his legs. James kicked aggressively. They remained stubbornly. He gave a sigh of exasperation and finally grabbed the covers to pull them off himself. What he uncovered, however, caused a completely visceral reaction.

   “AUGH!!”

   Immediately, the entire boys’ dormitory was awake and alert.

   It was a Saturday.

   “What the hell, James?” Remus’ voice came from the other side of his bed curtains, irritated and tired. He was the most sensitive of the Marauders when it came to sleep- he never had enough of it.

   On the right, his curtains were parted and Sirius’ wildly messy head of hair poked in with annoyance. “Y’know Prongs, we don’t _all_ need to know when you’ve spunked the bed.” But his expression changed when he noticed what had actually been the cause for his outburst.

   Just below his elbow, Wormtail peeked in curiously. “What’s wrong, James? What happened?”

   He purposefully didn’t answer them at first- really, it was a little difficult to know what to say.

   There, right on his forearm, was a birthmark that hadn’t been there the night before.

   Sirius chuckled, as if this were the wisecrack of the century. “Happy birthday, stud!” It only got worse; he started to laugh, first stifled, and then at full volume. Next to him, Peter’s worried expression automatically switched to a hesitant smile, hoping to be part of the joke despite not knowing what was going on.

   To the left, the curtains were ripped aside to reveal Remus, tall and tired and _furious._ “ _Please_ ,” -Peter ducked behind Sirius a little further- “ _enlighten_ me….” Padfoot’s laughter had ceased, but he was still smirking. Apparently this amused him, too. “ _Why_ you three find it so bloody _fun_ to be up at all hours of the night?”

   James, in perfect dramatic fashion, only stared at it numbly. He might’ve told Pads to shut up if he weren’t so crushed.

   “Prongs got his soulmark, Moony.” His smile spread into a toothy grin. “Take a look.”

   He raised his eyebrows with disdain, not happy with the answer, but accepting it anyway. There was no point in staying angry, especially not when James was about to have a mid-life crisis at sixteen. He was the youngest, and so, the last to gain destiny’s mark. “Well?”

   James, heavy with dread, stuck his arm out for Remus to see. His eyes were closed in pain. “That doesn’t look like a doe to you, does it?” He’d already seen it of course, but magic could be unpredictable sometimes- maybe it changed with time, or- _please please please please pl-_

   “Ermmm… not really.”

   He took his arm back and groaned, then squinted for a better look. Remus handed him his glasses, which he’d only begun wearing that year, and he crammed them on his face. The shape was a little bit clearer now. It was...

   … A fluffy cat…

   His eyes widened in realization, and in that split second, the dream from the night before flooded back into his memory like a river undamned. The forest, the tree, the pool- and then, the lonely end.

   But Sirius’ laughter interrupted his thought process. “I suppose this means Lily was right after all.”

   James shot him a dirty look, but it didn’t do anything to help the dull ache in his chest. “ _Nothing_ about this to _anyone._ ” He waited until Sirius nodded his consent, then looked to Moony, who shrugged as if it were obvious he wouldn’t say a thing. “Good. Now, let’s pretend this never happened and celebrate my bloody birthday!” He clapped his hands together with a newfound grin. Enough of this nonsense.

   The boys dispersed as if released by their team captain, going about their business to get ready for the day.

   Daylight shone in through the window warmly. James sat for a moment, running a thumb over the new mark on his skin. Despite his troubles, he felt an unshakeable feeling of harmony.

   ...It hadn’t been that bad of a dream, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

  “Happy Birthday James!!”

   As soon as they reached the common room, James was swarmed with Gryffindors wishing him a happy birthday and handing him presents. It wasn’t everyone, but it was pretty damn close. He accepted them all with a smile and a thank you of course, (as he’d been taught,) but toward the end just began directing people to pile them by his bed upstairs. It wasn’t like he could sit there accepting gifts until Christmas, now could he? No, there were more important things to do- like Lily Evans. Er- _talking_ to Lily Evans.

 

* * *

 

 

   It had been a couple months since James spoke to Lily without it being uncomfortably stiff and awkward, and not just because she’d been grumpy since the whole ‘M word’ incident- it was this soulmate thing. After mentioning it on her birthday last winter, the conversation had gone catastrophically.

   ‘Happy Birthday Evans- ‘you find my mark on you this morning?’

   A perfectly harmless question, that’s all it’d been, really- but the fiery look in Lily’s eyes was hair-raising. She informed him that no, she hadn’t found his ‘mark’ on her that morning, and that she never _would_ as a matter of fact, so he ought to just quit harassing her like this and mind his own bloody business. All in front of the entire Great Hall- what a humiliation. It might’ve been bearable if she’d stormed out, but no. She sat there, brazen and jaded, facing him head on like some kind of offender. Of course, his only choice had been to grab his things and leave without breakfast. (He ‘wasn’t hungry anyway.’) No doubt Snivellus was over at the Slytherin table rubbing his grubby hands together, relishing in that little dispute. Slimy bastard.

   While James may have put on a (somewhat) casual facade during classes, during his time with the gang he’d just sat and sulked. The whole ordeal had troubled him terribly- without Lily, a large chunk of his life was missing. Or at least, that’s how it felt. For years, every vision of the future had included her; the wedding, the house, the children- but with this, poof! Up in smoke.  And as his sole confidantes, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were all subjected to two halves of a very annoying coin; either long tirades about how he and Lily just ‘clicked’ and were meant to be together, or dejected, sullen silence. By the time the full moon came around, he was even refusing to go marauding- Remus almost ran himself into the lake because of it. The boys didn’t know _what_ to do about it. James knew he was becoming a problem, and he didn’t care.

   It didn’t take long before they decided to have a talk with him.

   In an effort to cheer up the leader of the pack, they’d sat in the warm common room instead of with the other pupils in the Great Hall. He seemed relatively unaffected.

   “James, this has gone on long enough.” It was Sirius, the only one willing to start such a potentially rocky conversation. “You can’t stay chaser if you don’t practice.” Remus, tall and firm, stood behind him in support. The stern frown on his brow was broken by worry. He nudged Sirius from behind then, trying to be discreet as he murmured something in his ear. After listening, he nodded and continued, albeit less firmly. “And Moony says you shouldn’t let your grades suffer like this.” Remus smacked him in the back. “ _Oww.._ ” He rubbed the spot with consternation.

   “Oh, don’t be such a baby.”

   Wormtail came up beside him then, resting his arms on James’ chair and taking the opportunity to speak. “We haven’t done anything fun in months.”

   He looked at them all, chewing his cheek. “I dunno, men. I’ve been cut off at the knees.”

   That was the moment Moony took to stop bickering with Padfoot and speak for himself. This had gone on long enough, and apparently once his cover was blown as the truly responsible friend, it didn’t make a difference either way. “Don’t tell me you plan to spend the rest of the school year moping about a girl that doesn’t even know what she had? Are you really going to let your youth get away from you like that? _”_

“ _You_ , king of the Forbidden Forest, and leader of the Marauders?” Peter chimed in.

   Remus muttered, “Laying it on a little thick, aren’t we-?” But he was interrupted by Sirius’ final comment.

   “We need Prongs out there, mate.”

   That’d shut them all up. Everyone agreed; Moony shrugged and smiled, while Padfoot looked on hopefully and Wormtail nodded eagerly. Together, they’d made a compelling argument. That, and James was always a sucker for ‘we need you’.

   “Oh, all right. But you three owe me a butterbeer- each!”

   

* * *

 

 

   Now, a few months after their pep-talk, James no longer felt any doubt in himself or his actions. He approached Lily Evans in the Great Hall. This could only go smoothly.

   He plopped his bag next to the poor girl before she could even notice, then sat down right next to it. Dark hair perfectly ruffled and smile beaming, he tried to ignore the displeased look on her face. “‘Morning Lily- looking lovely as ever this morning.”

   “Hello, James. Happy birthday.” Unlike the rest of his house-mates, her voice was flat when she congratulated him.  Lily’s reactions were always so unexpectedly frank in their unfriendliness toward now that it was a little hard to maintain composure.

    Alice gave a sheepish little wave from behind.

   James cleared his throat and went on nevertheless. “I know it’s a sore subject, but I wanted to show you something.” This was where he looked at Alice pointedly to give them some time alone, to which she responded with a raised eyebrow. Lily sighed and nodded for her to leave. She didn’t look pleased to leave them alone together, but picked up her things and did so anyway. “Thanks. As I was saying-” He began to roll up his sleeve, but didn’t have time to finish.

   “No, you listen to me.” James was practically dumbfounded by her interruption, which she took as an opportunity to continue. There was a soft sorrow in her voice that surprised him. “You need to stop this.”

   “Lily, I’ve told you before, I can accept that your soulmark-”

   “James.”

   But he wasn’t done, and the further he went the more he felt he had to complete his thought. It felt as if this was his last chance to plead his case, and he just couldn’t let that go. “-I don’t care if I’m not your soulmate, I’ll love you just the same-”

   “You need to move on from me, James.”

   “-I just want to be _with_ you-”

   “It’s Severus.”

   That shut him up almost immediately. His mind began to reel- slowly at first, then very quickly, like the starting of a train engine- which made it very difficult to think of what to say. _Snape_ , the greasy, pasty-skinned vampire from Slytherin? Surely they weren’t thinking of the same one? How could _he,_ an absolute wretch, be destined for a creature so beautiful; the girl with fire for hair and a smile as warm and bright as the sun? It was almost impossible for him to comprehend. “...Severus?” He was back in that cold, dark place again, the place he’d been since her birthday.

   “Yes.”

   “But.. he called you a mudblood.”

   She winced at that word, still sharp to the ear no matter the context. There was a glance toward the Slytherin table before she said, much more quietly, “We’re talking about it.”

   James shook his head numbly. “You’ve _got_ to be kidding me.” He could see that smug face of Severus’ from where he sat. The cold emptiness in his heart began to heat with the fuse of his temper. What he wouldn’t have given to just walk right over and wallop the boy on the spot- in the past, he very well might have. When he replied, he hardly even noticed that his voice had risen to an audible volume.“Really? Snape??” Whether she was the cause for this terrible twist of fate or not, he wasn’t happy. It wasn’t fair! “He’s a _Death Eater_ , for God’s sake!”

   Silence fell throughout the hall.

   Beside him, Lily’s cheeks turned bright pink. She was mortified.

   James, suddenly very aware of how many pairs of eyes were on them, began to apologize, but she whirled around to stop him before he could. “No. I tried to talk to you James Potter, but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. Please, just...” Lily gave an exasperated sigh, “Leave me alone.” And this time, she did leave; she left him there to stand alone, sad and rejected. On his _birthday_ , no less.

   Alice gave him a sympathetic smile and shrug on her way out. “Er… Happy Birthday, James.”

   It didn’t make him feel any better.


	3. Chapter 3

   “Come now, ‘Jamies. You _must_ eat _something._ ” Mrs. Potter only resorted to her childhood pet name for James when she was worried, (he hated it,) but she was most assuredly worried. Ordinarily, both he and Sirius ate their food so quickly there was hardly time to serve it and sit down before they were finished, but ever since returning home from school, he seemed to have lost his appetite.

   James looked up at her with a displeased sniff- then, haughtily and almost forcefully- shoveled a forkful of porridge into his mouth. “There. I’ve eaten something.”

   Sirius snorted into his milk next to him.

   “James…” His father spoke sternly, but didn’t take his eyes off of the paper held before him. Usually, he didn’t have to.

   “It’s Easter, darling- I’m making roast lamb, your favorite.” But her son didn’t seem altogether enthused by the idea. In fact, the prospect only seemed to worsen his mood.

   Sirius murmured with a smirk, “He’s too busy whinging over Lily for Easter…”

   James immediately kicked his shin under the table- hard.

    Sirius winced with a disgruntled look.

   “What was that, dear?”

   He shot him the dirtiest look he could muster.

   Sirius shut up about it, but the smug grin on his face was still sickening in its shameless flattery. “Oh, I was just saying how much I _love_ roast lamb, Mrs. Potter- whatever James doesn’t eat, I will.”

   “Oh, well how sweet of you to say, Sirius! You know, it’s so nice to have you around for the holidays. I was just telling Fleamont about how lonely it was before you moved in last Christmas. It’s just like having another son with you around. Why, just the other day…” She continued, half listened to by her husband, not listened to whatsoever by the boys. They had other matters on their minds- or at least, her son did.

   Yes, it was true that he was still healing from Lily’s complete and utter rejection, but that wasn’t all. Everything in his life seemed to be crumbling down around him on top of it. After all that had happened, his grades were next to irreparable without studying like the devil, and with Remus’ affliction and prefect duties, it was simply unfair to ask him to do the work. (More than half of it, at least.) Even after saving Severus from that stupid prank of Sirius, tensions between he and James had only grown exponentially as well. Three times since January they’d been sent to detention for hexing each other, and those were only the instances they’d been caught. Without Lily to keep him from acting rashly, James had no reason to take pity on Snape anymore, and it was greatly affecting his life at school. Not only that, but he’d been given a warning- in front of the _whole team_ \- that if he didn’t shape up as chaser, he’d be off of the field by next year. Gryffindor had already lost two of its three games, with Slytherin managing not to lose once. Even the Hufflepuff team beat them to a pulp the game before James’ birthday, and the worst part was that he knew it was his own fault for not practicing. He had never felt shame like that before- it was entirely too degrading.

   And while he still had his friends, they weren’t too much help. At least Remus was sympathetic, but Peter was too oblivious to know what to do, and Sirius’ advice always ended up punctuated by some kind of punchline. In the end, it would have to fall upon James’ shoulders to get through it on his own. Responsibility put him in the worst mood.

   If only he’d been born a muggle instead- maybe then, life would be easier. No magic, no quidditch, no Severus- and most importantly, no soulmark. It certainly would have been far less complicated.

   His mother had moved on, and instead started on Remus, and his list of virtues. Sirius was now listening attentively. “...always say what a splendid work ethic that boy has. He’ll be the Minister of Magic before too long!” Euphemia tittered at the suggestion, at which Fleamont offered a distracted smile, and Sirius chuckled heartily at. James observed without expression.

   “That’s what I always say. He’d definitely be better than that tosser they just put in office! A few Dementors won’t stop Voldemort’s rise to power, will it?”

   An awkward pause held for a moment.

   He tore a boyish hunk of bread off with his teeth and chewed obliviously.

   Mr. and Mrs. Potter both seemed a little disconcerted by the conversation, particularly the mention of such a name. In their home, Dark Magic was next to unheard of, and The Dark Lord’s name was thought of as a bringer of bad luck- a curse. Even though Mr. Potter couldn’t take his eyes away from the paper every morning, he found there was no sense in dwelling on the unpleasant things he read there. James had been raised without that kind of talk at the table, Euphemia didn’t care for that kind of negative ‘energy’ at the table. Nevertheless, Fleamont changed the subject with only a moments’ hesitation, as he was already getting used to these little disturbances from Sirius. The two doted on James’ somewhat careless friend, and so paid no mind to these little discrepancies- his spirited personality and good heart were a refreshing addition to the family.

   Fleamont cleared his throat and set The Daily Prophet down next to his breakfast. He wore the most peculiar look as he addressed the table. “Today is a day for celebration, everyone. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and soon, we’ll all be together...”

   Both boys looked up quizzically, but Sirius spoke first.

   “All?”

   Euphemia giggled knowingly next to her husband, just as she always did when he was about to announce a surprise.

   Fleamont reached inside his robes dramatically. “Yes-” And with a flourish, he brought his hand out- with a rabbit held in it. He beamed at them expectantly for a moment. Mrs. Potter applauded pleasantly, but the boys didn’t seem to understand. So, he set the little thing down and pet it as he continued. “I’ve arranged for Peter and Remus to be joining us.”

   Now _that_ was something they could be excited about- Sirius whooped out loud and clapped James on the back. How long had it been since all four of them were together outside of Hogwarts?

    He gave a chuckle and managed to look a little less glum, but raised an eyebrow. “What was the rabbit for?”

   Mr. Potter looked at his son with the same sly grin he’d inherited. “Dramatic effect, of course.”

   James couldn’t help but smile at that.

   

* * *

 

 

   “James, they’ve arrived!”

   The two boys barely let him finish before they had already thundered downstairs, hair partly brushed and shirts in need of tucking. Fleamont shook his head and smiled at such a charming picture of youth. “Slow down now, boys, don’t trip over your noses!”

    They stopped at the bottom of the stairs to catch their breaths and do as they were told, but only for a moment. It was already the evening, and there was not a moment of fun to lose; Sirius led the way to the front door like an eager dog. When they turned the corner, Remus was just stepping over the threshold, with Peter in tow behind him.

   Four days after the full moon, and he was still looking a bit under the weather. Without the Marauders to keep him entertained during his transformations, Remus was left with only himself for company. If left alone, he was also left to hurt himself. In fact, James could’ve sworn some of his more recent cuts and scars had been covered up with makeup.

    Remus looked up abruptly, only to break into a smile when he saw them approaching. “And who are these two pillocks?”

   “Moony!” Sirius practically barreled the poor boy over with a hug, despite the fact that Remus was the tallest of them all.

   James smirked at the sight. Seeing his friends’ happiness always cheered him up a little. “Don’t break him, ‘Pads! We’ve only got them for the night.”

   He let go of him, but only to ruffle up his hair. “There, that looks better.”

   “Sirius!! How many times have I told you-”

   Their other guest gave a small wave while they continued to bicker. “Hiya, Prongs. Er, Happy Easter!”

   “Happy Easter, Wormtail- glad you could make it.” He clapped a friendly hand to Peter’s back and welcomed him in. “Mum’s making loads of food for us.”

   That was the moment Sirius chose to quit teasing Remus. “And I’m going to eat _all_ of it.”

   “Not if I jelly-leg jinx you before you can get to the table.”

   “I’d like to see you try, antler boy!”

   “Is that _really_ the best you could come up with…”

   They continued on like that all the way up the stairs, taking them more slowly than before now that there was no need to rush. Once again, Fleamont watched them go, this time reminiscing in memories of his own youth; warm summer breezes, picnics on the beach, and the traditional bottle ice cold pumpkin juice on the trek back.

   “Fleamont, dear? Where did you put the basil seeds?” His wife’s voice came from the kitchen.

   “Just a moment, dear!” He heard a door slam upstairs, then smiled to himself.

   The boys would be alright.

 

* * *

 

   “Alright, we’re all here, so what was it you wanted to talk about?” Remus spoke from his spot on the floor next to Peter and Sirius. As the least easily distracted of the four, he was usually the one to get down to business first.

   James answered him from the bed, where he lay upside down. “Well…” He turned over. This was a difficult topic to discuss, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to start the conversation, even if they’d spoken of it before. “It’s about my soul mark.” Just saying the word out loud felt like an invasion of privacy, as if he’d said a new swear word they weren’t sure they wanted to use yet.

   “This again?” Sirius smirked, but he wasn’t altogether dismissive- the look in his eyes was one of concern.

   Remus shot him a glare anyway before turning back to James. He obviously thought it was a subject to be taken seriously. “What about it?”

   “What do I do?”

   At this, all three of them looked stricken. It certainly wasn’t a simple question to answer.

   It was Peter who broke the silence. “What?”

   “What do you mean, ‘do’? ‘You trying to get rid of it or something?” The idea looked like it intrigued Sirius. He chuckled. “That could hurt.”

   “Well, you guys have them too, don’t you? Aren’t you looking for the people you’re supposed to be with?”

   Everyone suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

   “Mate, it’s just… not something you talk about.” Sirius, usually so bold and unafraid, rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

   James looked to Remus, who seemed very preoccupied with his shoelaces. “But we’re _family,_ aren’t we? If we can’t talk about it with each other, who can we talk to?”

   Peter, who didn’t look particularly bothered by any one part of the conversation, took this as an opportunity for support. “Yeah- brothers!” He glanced to his right, where Remus seemed only partially convinced, and then to his left, where Sirius shot him a glare. The poor boy seemed very conflicted with which side to take.

   “Not everyone has a soul mark, Prongs. In fact, even some purebloods go their whole lives without finding one. It’s really more of a _suggestion_ than anything-”

   “And you, Moony?” James knew he was being abrasive, but he suddenly found himself very irritated with their reluctance. In fact, he was hurt. The four of them had been thick as thieves since they were eleven years old, and this was what they were letting drive them apart? No- not if he had anything to do with it; it was his duty as the leader of the Marauders not to let secrets get between them. “Your birthday’s only a couple of weeks before mine, after all.”

   Everyone looked to Remus, whose eyes widened with alarm. “Well- I, um-” He was caught. That clever little distraction had backfired, and instead peaked their interest. Frantically, he searched for a diversion. “What about Padfoot? He turned sixteen half a year ago, shouldn’t he have been the first?”

   Sirius was first shocked at this betrayal- and then very, very cross. He frowned so fiercely in Remus’ direction that Peter ducked out of the way- until James turned to him expectantly.

   “Yes, Pads, what _about_ you? You’ve been awfully quiet over there.”

   A panic James hadn’t expected flashed across Sirius’ face. “I, uh-” He didn’t meet his gaze. “Wormtail! Wormtail hasn’t said anything, has he?”

   Peter looked up with surprise, as if he’d forgotten he was even part of the conversation in the first place. “Oh!” He shrugged and gave a simple smile. “I don’t have one.”

   This short, frank response prompted a moment of silent realization from the boys; it had suddenly become all too clear who was hiding something and who was not.

   James sighed and shook his head. This was a disaster. “I can’t believe-”

   But a familiar voice calling from downstairs interrupted him before he could finish. “Boys!! Supper’s ready!”

    It was as if those words broke a spell cast upon the four of them- Peter jumped up with excitement, while the other two followed with eager relief- they were glad for an excuse to end the conversation and run downstairs. Their footsteps and lively banter echoed down the stairs as they went, as if nothing had happened.

   James, on the other hand, stayed behind.

   He pulled up his left sleeve. The mark was still there- unwanted, yet unchanging. Over the last month, his problems had steadily increased, but so had the dreams. They were such peculiar dreams- nothing like he remembered from his childhood- and always featured that funny little cat. He should have liked to ask the others about their dreams and whether they featured any animal companions, but that seemed a lost cause. At least for the moment.

   He sighed and stood, pulling his sleeve back down as he went.

   There was no sense worrying over it now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short and hardly edited, but I figured I ought to post something for the meantime. I'm still working on this one, don't worry!

    “I know it’s usually Fleamont who speaks at these things,” Euphemia smiled to her husband, who shrugged and grinned at them all in the way a thanked family member would at a wedding. “But this year I thought it would be nice for _me_ to hold the Easter toast.”

    They were all seated at the Big Table now, (reserved for special occasions,) and his mother had made a delightful spread. Yes there was roast lamb, just as she’d promised, but there were also dozens of other equally mouth watering dishes; potatoes roasted in goose fat until crispy with a creamy center- hot cross buns still steaming from the oven- and a great baked ham, marbled meat within and caramelized skin without. The vegetables were nothing of too much importance to the boys, but they just knew that Mrs. Potter’s delicious jam tarts waited in the kitchen for after they’d finished their dinner, and that was all the more reason to wolf them down.

    They just had to sit through the traditional speech first.

    “Now, I know James wants us to keep it very subtle this year, but he just had his sixteenth birthday, and so did Remus- and I think that’s something to celebrate! So, after you’ve finished, there’s a great big chocolate cake waiting for your pudding.” She looked to Remus, who gave her a warm smile; she knew it was his favorite. “Fleamont and I can hardly believe how fast you boys are growing up-- all four of you-- and we just wanted to say how proud we are. You’re becoming a fine crop of young men.” Her voice wavered with emotion as she finished, “So, cheers- to life!” James’ mother lifted her glass of butter beer enthusiastically.

    They all cheered and clapped, charmed by James’ mother and her sentimentality, before six glasses clinked together happily, and with a sip of celebratory butterbeer, everyone was free to dig in. Every plate began to fill rapidly.

    James found himself slightly less enthusiastic than the rest, as the prior conversation hadn’t stopped troubling him yet. He watched as Remus piled gleaming slices of ham onto his plate. Did _he_ have a soulmate? He had to, after the way he reacted to the topic. But what reason did he have to be so secretive about it? And Sirius- he watched him fork too much food into his mouth again- why would _Sirius_ of all people suddenly be so concerned with his privacy? Perhaps it could have been blamed on his conservative upbringing, if that matched up with history; so far, every ostentatious act of rebellion had been motivated by that very reason. So, it didn’t make sense. What was he hiding?

    Peter, preoccupied with buttering a particularly large bun, was the only one James felt he could depend on for the truth. The poor boy couldn’t lie to them for the life of him, not to mention the fact that no soul mark at all was far too clever an excuse for him to come up with on his own. No, Peter was telling the truth, he knew it.

    If only the other two were so easy to read.

 

* * *

 

 

    “Ughh, I couldn't eat another bite…” Sirius groaned and flopped over on his bed, hands clutching at the stomach ache punishing him for eating too much.

     “No one’s asking you to, you great glutton...”

     Peter chuckled at James’ insult, but the other two looked up quizzically at such an inflammatory tone. Usually he was so casual about those kinds of comments- obviously something had put him in a very foul mood.

    “Looks like somebody’s grumpy- do you need a nap, ‘Jamies?” 

    Remus jabbed Sirius in the stomach as a warning- there was no need to provoke him, especially not at his own house, _and_ so close to his birthday. 

    But James didn’t counter with his own quip- he didn’t even seem angry anymore- just scoffed and rolled over. 

    This was even more concerning- he only sulked when something was important to him.

    They looked at each other, as if discussing what they ought to do in silence. 

    Remus raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. _He’s upset..._

    Sirius sighed and let his shoulders sag. He knew what that meant. _But my stomach hurts._

    Remus frowned and crossed his arms in response _. You know it’s the right thing to do._

    Sirius gave a groan of a sigh and rolled his eyes. _Fiiiine. I hate when you’re right._ He turned over until he fell off of the bed- on purpose- just to show how much he was suffering.

    Peter, glancing back and forth between the two, didn’t mind being left out of the conversation. It wasn’t too difficult to catch up.

    “Proooongs…” Reluctantly, the eldest of the four began to stand- his expression was that of someone about to rip off a particularly sticky band aid. “Would some… marauding cheer you up?”

     James’ ears pricked up, and he turned to face them once more. “Marauding?” He sat up skeptically. “But the full moon was four days ago.”

    “Yeah, so we missed out on all the fun.” Sirius prodded him with a foot. “C’mon, it’ll be great! “We can take turns lagging behind with Moony, and everyone will get to stretch their legs a little bit.” His enthusiasm may have been artificial, but he sure knew how to be convincing when he wanted to. “I know how much you like the clover that grows by the river... ‘should be nice and lush this time of year.”

    “I don’t know, Pads…”

    In almost every conversation among the Marauders there was a tipping point- whether everyone was aware or not- and the tipping point had come in this conversation. Remus knew that it was the perfect moment to throw in their trump card. He looked to Peter.

    Peter, who had no idea what trump card meant, looked to their leader with honest to goodness enthusiasm- it was time for him to add his bit too. “We could even have a picnic.”

    They all looked at him for a moment, not surprised in the least by such an odd suggestion, but a little puzzled by its placement. 

    “Yeah… that.” Sirius shook his head and turned his attention back to James. “Plus, your parents are already in bed. It would be downright sacrilegious of us to ignore an opportunity as ripe as this.”

    The other two nodded their agreement; cheering up James was often what brought them together- and into detention.

    He looked at them- at the faces of his best friends, and their genuine smiles- and knew that it was impossible to stay mad for too long. These were his mates, who he loved more than anything in the world. Besides, a little bit of fun never hurt anybody.


	5. Chapter 5

    There was no difficulty in sneaking out; Remus made use of the invisibility cloak while the others remained inconspicuous in Animagus form, so all the Marauders had to do was slip out through the back garden and they were free to do as they pleased.

    After a good amount of galloping and chasing and playing, the Marauders split up. Padfoot wanted to race through the trees, while Prongs stayed behind to munch on clover and keep Moony company. Peter, of course, was invited along to run around in the forest, and gladly accepted. It wasn’t unusual for them to divide as they did, as there were always two pairs to keep everyone company.

    It was quiet in the little grove they chose, save for the steady babbling of the river nearby. All four of them had been to this spot before, though in human form more than not. It was peaceful and, due to the trees surrounding it, conveniently private.

    At the sight of so much luscious clover, Prongs sprung forth eagerly. Moony, less excitable about eating plants, simply found an overturned tree to sit on. 

    As Prongs nibbled, Remus rested in silence, enjoying their tranquil surroundings for a moment. 

    But only a moment.

    “‘Moon?” Before the other could even notice, James has already returned to his human form, laying back in the cool green of the meadow with quiet movements. 

    The response he got was almost hesitant, “Yeah?”

    He seemed pensive. Still, he couldn’t get the same question out of his head. “‘You think I’m overthinking all this soulmate rubbish?” It was honest doubt that he spoke with, not any of that confident persona he hid behind half the time. This was something that was important to him, that was apparent.

    For a moment, Moony didn’t respond— he seemed to be thinking, too— but his answer was certain. “No.” James glanced behind him, but he was already coming to sit at the stream beside him. The grass tickled their hands as a breeze blew through it and they listened to the water churn. “It’s not that you’re thinking about it too much, or being too loud about it— you’re just  _ worrying _ about it too much.” He chuckled. “You of all people, James Potter, will meet your soulmate. And I guarantee it will be the most memorable experience of you  _ life.” _ He gave a kind smile, and James found he couldn’t help returning it.

    “I asked you a question, not to flatter me.” 

    Remus scoffed, but insisted; “I’ll bet on it.”  Then, he looked out over the water. He was the most earnest of the four, and that was always what Prongs admired most about him. So easily vulnerable. “But, with that in mind?” “If you’re this out of sorts over it, think about how everyone else feels. We’re just as scared as you are.”

    James studied the sky and sighed. Maybe he was right— and he usually was. “I can see why.” He smirked. “I mean, if I woke up with ‘Snivellus’ mark on me one morning, I’d be scared too.”

    Moony may have rolled his eyes and mumbled something derogatory defending Lily, but he also knew that James was bitter. They all did. He was bitter and hurt and confused by the injustice of it all, as if his very being had known he and Lily belonged together. 

    But, he was healing. Slowly perhaps, but this conversation proved that. Already James was beginning to forgive her— to realize that there was nothing to forgive.

    And soon, he would forget, too.

 

     “Boys!!”

    A few hours after dawn, and the Marauders, (all four of them,) had still managed not to wake once. Not even the light of dawn, the hoot of the Daily Prophet delivery, or the smell of bacon woke them— certainly not after spending most of the night racing around the countryside.

    It was Padfoot who stirred first. With a sleepy grunt, he jabbed James in the side, and he opened his eyes. “Ugh…” His dark black hair stood up in all directions. “Already?”

    He’d been woken from a dream— a peaceful one, he thought— in which he and that… that little  _ cat _ were running about again, exploring and running and… then his memory faded.

    “Yeah, didn’t you hear?” Sirius moved on to rouse Moony and Wormtail too.

    James groaned as he remembered that this was the last day of their Easter holiday.

    They were to eat their last breakfast together until they returned to Hogwarts, with all of its homework and schedules and  _ exams. _ He didn’t dread exams because he was bad at them, he dreaded them because of all of the… paperwork. All the preparation and writing drove him positively  _ mad. _

 

    That night, the Potters spent the evening together in front of their fireplace. They often did this the night before their son returned to Hogwarts, as they treasured their time with their young son, and hoped to spend some with him before he grew up too fast. On this night, Euphemia read out loud as Fleamont took to his tobacco pipe. James, who would remember these moments long after his parents passed and he had children of his own, lay on the sofa and listened peacefully. Mother, who chose the books she read aloud, had already gone through a quarter of the Hogwarts library, as well as a dozen other books that weren’t even on those shelves.

    The warmth of the fire and relaxing rhythm of his mother’s words were like a lullaby to James’ ears… but he could’ve  _ sworn _ he was awake.

 

    Something soft and fluffy almost  _ smothered  _ him awake.

    “What in-?” But he stopped mid-thought, and smiled. “Why, it’s you.” With a newfound friendliness, James pet the familiar cat. It was just as soft as he’d imagined. “What the devil are you doing here?” And then he realized— his parents. Looking about, they were absent; but he swore he could still smell the smoke of his father’s pipe, even then. 

    The cat pulled away from his hands and onto the floor with a bound. Still, it stared at him purposefully before continuing.

    “Yes-?” James could only remain confused, (though vaguely intrigued,) and follow. “Alright, then...”

    It led him up the stairs and down the hallway— waiting for him to catch up, time and time again— before stopping at his very own door. 

    He frowned.

    The cat meowed and scratched at the door.

    “Pushy little bugger, aren’t you?” But he obeyed, and opened it. “Just don’t—”

    A large object broke through the door just then, sending a spray of wood splinters flying in all directions. James ducked and covered his head with his arms as quickly as he could. Only when he opened his eyes did he realize that what had blasted through his bedroom door was a  _ Bludger. _ His eyes widened as it promptly dislodged itself from the hallway and hurtled back the way it’d come.

    A soft rumbling at James’ side startled him, and he looked down. It was the cat— perfectly unharmed. It seemed to be looking at him as if to say, ‘I told you so.’

    All he replied with was a shake of his head. Merlin’s  _ tits _ he dreaded to see the damage it’d done to his bedroom.

    To his astonishment, however, it wasn’t his room on the other side of that door but the Hogwarts Quidditch field. Now this— this didn’t make  _ any _ sense whatsoever. He chuckled in disbelief. “Remus was right. I should quit—“

    James was interrupted by the unmistakable chatter of a Bludger, shooting toward his face at a frightening speed.

 

    “auHH!!” He jerked awake, still laying perfectly safe on the sitting room sofa. The fire had died down, and mother and father had retired to their beds. Of course. They wouldn’t have wanted to wake him, would they? 

    James took a deep breath. His heart was still racing. For a moment, he closed his eyes and tried to memorize it in his rush. Surely he could do it this time.

   But in another, he was already unsure of bits and pieces. With a scoff of defeat, he disregarded it and started to his feet. 

    All that remained were the thundering boom of a Bludger and the curious sense that he was being watched….

    Or followed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders return to school.

    “Pumpkin Pasty?” Padfoot, already packing one into his mouth, offered another to Prongs. They were forty three minutes through the train ride to Hogwarts, and the trolley had just taken a trip down the aisle. Pads usually bought the lot for them, and this time was no different. 

    James only watched as the trees sped past his window. “No thanks.” It wasn’t that he was moody, he was contemplative. For the first time, he hadn’t forgotten one of his dreams, and it’d been that one. But why? What on earth did it mean?

    “‘Suit yourself.” 

    The other two dug in.

 

 

    Every day that week James spent his time either sitting in the common room quietly with the Marauders, or studying— and they didn’t know which was more unusual. He wasn’t down or grumpy, and when asked he replied casually, but something was still off. Usually he was loud and careless, but for once, he was practically over achieving.

    And it all seemed to revolve around Divination, for some ungodly reason.

   “Moony… it’s ten past twelve. He’s  _ still  _ down there.” Padfoot was worried, to be quite honest. Never before had he seen his best friend so solemn— had something happened?

    “He’s not doing anything wrong. Why don’t you go get him?” Moony wasn’t quite so bothered as the other two. He figured, if James was getting good marks and keeping up with Marauding as he had been, then he was fine. More than fine— he was excelling.

    “Fine.” Padfoot threw his covers off of himself and tromped down the dormitory stairwell. His bare footsteps echoed on the stone with obnoxious slaps.

    When he reached the bottom stair, he found Prongs in front of a table by the fire, still studying a map of the night sky that he’d never even seen in Astronomy class. He’d already stopped his work at the sound of the other boy’s approach, and had taken off his glasses to rub his eyes. 

    His voice was hoarse and tired. “Oy…” James cleared his throat. “Is it time for breakfast already?”

    “It will be soon.” With a scratch of his head, Sirius eyed the various charts and papers. “‘Whatcha got here?” He snatched one with a sleepy cheekiness. “Zodiac signs?? What—“

    James raised his eyebrows and put his glasses back on. “Like you know anything about astrology.”

   “...Maybe.”

    “Oh yeah?”

    Padfoot sniffed, squinted, and inspected the chart. “You’re a… what, Aries? March twenty fifth or—“

    “Twenty fifth.” He was surprised Sirius remembered so easily. Then again, he hadn’t forgotten a birthday since they were twelve.

    “Right. Well then…” Those stormy gray eyes searched the parchment. “Cancer.” He tottered his head. “Not bad. Water sign. Sensitive.” He glances up. “Try not to scare ‘em off, Aries.”

    “It says all that?” Prongs said skeptically.

    He tried to pass it off casually, “No, smart arse. I know shit,” then tossed the chart back onto the table. “But what I don’t know, is what you’re still doing up— studying, of all things.”

    “I’m not committing any crimes.”

    “You’re not sleeping.”

    James glanced over surreptitiously. 

    “You won’t do well on a test if you’re tired.”

    “‘Moony asleep?”

    “Probably not. ‘Pretends he’s not worried, then stays up fretting half the night.” Sirius smiled. “Save me.”

    He chuckled. “Alright.” With a sigh, he closed his book. “My eyes hurt.” In the dim firelight, James Potter gathered his things and lugged then into a bag. He’d been reading for hours now, and after so much time no longer found himself getting distracted from it as he used to. James had finished his class work already in an effort to make time for other areas of study. He knew it was obvious what he was studying to those who knew him. He didn’t care.

    He’d read dozens of personal accounts now, about men and women who had found their soulmates years and years after their sixteenth birthday, and yet still more of those who had known them all along. Every one of them spoke of the difficulty in coaxing the other to reveal their mark.

    That was discouraging.

Sirius’ odd knowledge was helpful, however, as James had a particularly difficult time understanding the stars and their meanings. It was important that he know everything about the person he was signed sealed and going to be delivered to— how else was he supposed to find her? If it was a her.. it  _ was. _

    Probably.

    Divination, too— there was  _ nothing  _ he could get out of his tea leaves about that dream, and all the professor said about the crystal ball was that his life seemed, “vaguely optimistic… unexpected turns are ahead, but this is far more peaceful than your original timeline.”

    Everyone got something weird like that. He just wrote it off.

 

 

    “It’s going to be summer soon…”

    For anyone else, it might’ve been a cheerful thought— but the Marauders were happiest when they were at Hogwarts. Each of them genuinely enjoyed their time with the others, and even though Padfoot had moved in with Prongs, it was far less boring with the other two around. That, and all of them knew that Moony needed them. Each full moon was taking an even greater toll on their poor friend ever since his sixteenth birthday, and they were concerned. What kind of damage would he do to himself without their help? It kept them on edge, unspoken but felt within them all. There was an impending doom hanging about the idea.

    “Y’know, ‘Moon…”

    Remus looked up sharply over the Great Hall breakfast table. He raised an eyebrow at James.

    He glanced over his eggs. This was an idea originally planted in his mind by Sirius, but over the years had situated itself in James’ comfortably. He had no doubt that it was a sound idea, but it’s foundation was a bit shaky; Remus would never agree to it.

    “You could stay with ‘Pads and I over the summer holiday.” He pushed his glasses up on his nose.

    Remus stirred his porridge nonchalantly, but the chewing of his cheek betrayed his true feelings on the matter. 

 

    One time, when they were younger, he’d jokingly asked them not to treat him like a ‘charity case.’ “Just because I don’t have as much money as you, or I’m a half-blood, doesn’t mean I need help.” He’d said. “I can help myself.” 

    That night Sirius had come to James and asked him why he would feel like he needed to say something like that. They were friends, weren’t they? 

    James only quoted his mother. “‘Some people have been hurt so badly by others that they develop an instinct to be wary of danger. It can be a useful tool, but it also means that it takes them longer to trust you.’”

    “But Moony doesn’t think we’re dangerous, does he?”

    “No, of course not. It’s not a bad thing— he’s just… worried. Worried about taking advantage of us, worried that we don’t like him, worried that we think he’s weak… but he’s the strongest of all four of us, isn’t he?”

 

    Now, sitting in front of him, James didn’t see Remus going over those problems. In fact, he seemed to answer almost hastily.

    “No- no, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He stuck another spoonful of porridge into his mouth. 

    “What do you mean? My parents  _ love _ you. Your parents love me—“

    “Correction,  _ tolerate— _

    “Your parents  _ tolerate _ me—“

    “Look, I just don’t think I’m—“

    “I don’t think it’s a good idea either.”

    They all stopped and turned to Sirius, who had spoken. He was the last one they’d expected to say no.

    “What are you talking about, Pads?” It was Peter who asked. He was confused, too— Moony and Padfoot went together like Hogsmeade and pumpkin juice. Why shouldn’t Sirius want him to stay? 

    Uncomfortably, he explained. “Well— two of us can’t…” he glanced around the Hall,“‘handle’ Moony alone, and there isn’t any ‘bed prepared’ for him at the Potters.” 

   James frowned.  _ What the hell is happening right now?  _ “What?” He and Peter looked back to Remus, who met their eyes and suddenly became very interested in his breakfast.

    “Yeah, that’s what I was going to say, actually.” Then, he shrugged.

    The four of them were quiet for a moment.

    “I’ve got to get back to studying, anyway.” Prongs was unhappy. He’d expected Padfoot to be completely on board with the idea. It was  _ his _ after all. Everyone was acting so  _ weird. _ “See you in class, Wormtail.”

    “Yeah, uh, see you!”


End file.
